ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
