I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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