Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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