Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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