I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
