If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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