what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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