Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
