weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
