the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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