You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
