We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
