just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
handjob tips. give me some.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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