I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
