Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
