hotel room ftw
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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