Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
