based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
