I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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