all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
