I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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