I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
