I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
