I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
