I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
