can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
