She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
