I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she looked like the before picture.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
