I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
A+ Viking dick
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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