Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
