I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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