It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
