i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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