somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
