I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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