What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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