dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
