what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
