I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
