i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
