Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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