I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
