Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
