dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
