So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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