You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
