I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
