Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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