I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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