hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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