No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
