He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
