forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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