Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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