still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
